Just Jaded for Now

Jaded in Emerald City

Maybe I'll be a Meteorologist......

So, I originally created this blog to be a witty banter about my time at my internship in Seattle and my observations of life and culture in the city. And that is what it will continue to be, but there are some things weighing heavy on my heart tonight and I wouldn’t be being truthful to myself or anyone else if I didn’t say today was kind of a bust. That’s the point of a “blog”, right?

Today was a really tough one. As some of you know, someone I care about at home is suffering a huge loss of someone dear to them, a person that I knew and liked and thought of as a caring, decent person.

Being 3,000 miles away sort of makes you feel like you can do nothing when someone important to you is hurting. I know it’s a senseless guilty feeling, but hard not to feel all the same. One that I feel on top of the absolute heartbreak I feel for the people closest to J. I can not imagine what it must be like to lose someone so dear.

I went to work today, against my better judgment I might add, even though I don’t usually work on Fridays. I wanted to work and learn and get my mind off all the sad things that must be happening at home right now. I got the opportunity to go out with one of the best reporters on the broadcast’s lead story. We were going to cover the memorial of two dead teenagers, killed by a drunk driver. They were to graduate tomorrow.

Considering the circumstances, I was thinking either the Lord has a seriously sick sense of humor or he’s trying to teach me a lesson about growing up, literally working through your problems, and becoming a strong independent person. I know the latter is more probable, but I still allow myself to whine at least a little. :/

I knew keeping it together for this was going to be tough on any day, but I was really pushing myself to my limits by going out to the students’ memorial with the reporter today. I went because I not only wanted to prove myself reporter worthy; but a part of me knew we were going to cover the senseless deaths of these kids to honor them and their families in front of the community. I knew it was right for me to be a part of this.

I felt a creeping sadness as we watched the students lay flowers on a hand painted memorial In Loving Memory banner, because I realized an eerily similar scene would shortly be taking place at home. The photo of the deceased boy was a stinging reminder (as if I needed one) of how fleeting our lives really are, and stuck in my brain for the rest of the day like an analogous ticking clock.

As the reporter began to ask the questions, he caught some flack from school security and the parents asked him to back off. He gladly gave them their space, but continued to be warned by the officer not to interview students, even on the sidewalk. This ignited a small legal debate, but the reporter decided it wasn’t worth pushing on this particular issue out of respect for the victims’ families and the grieving students at the memorial.

Nonetheless, it got me thinking about the nature of this business and I really wasn’t in a good place this afternoon. If I’m being honest, it made me a little bitter towards the “jaded” reporter. Maybe if the reporter had pursued the interviews with a little less intensity….but then he wouldn’t be who he is, one of the best reporters in one of the largest markets in the United States. So, is this what it takes? It’s funny because until now, I never thought of it as a problem. Truthfully, I prided myself on becoming a hard news journalist. I would even go so far as to say it excites me. In an interview I did with a politician, I had no problem lightly discussing the death of four brave police officers killed in cold blood. Or, running down to the tennis courts at JU, tripod in hand, when a man had a massive heart attack, ramming his car into the fence. That man later died and he worked at my school. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t callous. Of course I knew even then it was terrible news. But, I wonder if I would have had a harder time covering it if I had actually stopped to think of his widow, or the children of those young police officers, now growing up motherless/fatherless.

What if this was happening at home? All of a sudden, I feel fiercely protective. I FIRMLY believe in the people’s right to know. It is the very core of the business I’m in, but on days like this….my ambitions and my heart are in a tug of war.

NOT so pleasantly jaded….

Song of the Day-Matlock, D-Country Been listening to it all night.

P.S. I promise I will try to get the blog back on track tomorrow in the nature of its original purpose. J I’ll take lots of photos because I don’t want to depress you guys!

P.P.S. Bro’s graduating with a masters degree tomorrow! Props…


  1. Seriously...this is some of the best writing I've seen from you...you totally AMAZE me the way you can put on paper the strong feelings you were feeling yesterday. YOU were meant to be a reporter...I've known that since you were in 5th grade when you spoke at the 5th grade awards ceremony. I was awed by you then, and I am even more awed by you now!! I believe what you are going through now...being away from those you care about during such a tragic time, and still having to show that you can be a professional and cover a tough story when you are at your lowest emotionally...is a test of your maturity and career choice...a test that I'd say you PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!

    I know I say it all the time, but I really am so very proud of you and happy that you got this opportunity. You are truly going to be a highly valued reporter for some media - whether it be in front of the camera, behind the camera, or the written word...you've got it covered!!

    Love you.

  2. Wow Shan.. This was really, really good. Everything your mom said was so true. You were meant for this business! Everyone has doubts now and then.. we wouldn't be human without doubt (you know I have lots) lol. I'm sure yesterday was pretty tough, but a great test for you. I know you will be a great reporter someday! Love ya buddy and I can't freakin wait to see you in a few weeks!